


Kieren's Happiness was My Happiness

by YouShouldSeeHimHesBeautiful



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mentions Of Amy - Freeform, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Rick, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Slight fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1938705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouShouldSeeHimHesBeautiful/pseuds/YouShouldSeeHimHesBeautiful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon and Kieren visit Amy's grave and a female appears, who brings up Kieren's past...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This Original Character is not affiliated with In The Flesh at all, just a character I had on my mind :)  
> There might be mistakes although I checked plenty of times :P
> 
> *Chapter 2 was missing and I have updated it with it now: Chapter 2 is a huge part of the story. Sorry to anyone who's read it already :S*

Simon and Kieren were walking towards the graveyard to visit Amy. It had been months since she had be stabbed by Maxine Martin, although it seemed just yesterday. Kieren had a bunch of roses; Amy's favourite, and Simon a few lines of poetry in his medicated mind. They hadn't visited her grave in weeks. It was still very hard for them to come to terms with the moregeous Amy Dyer leaving them because of an insane belief.

 

As soon as they got to her graveside and Kieren placed his roses down, he stood a few feet back.

“What are you doing Kieren?” Asked a concerned Simon.

“Just stepping back, why?”

“It's not like she will jump out and get you, if you are thinking that?”

“No...No. I'm not, just feel a little better stood here, you know?”

Kieren began to show the pain on his pale cold skin. He couldn't bear knowing his BDFF was back in the ground, the ground he's stood on.

Simon placed his arms around Kieren's shoulders. Seeing his undead boyfriend sad again after a brief period of _happiness_ was making him uneasy. He lent in to kiss him until he heard a loud female voice shout at him.

 

“KIEREN! KIEREN WALKER!!!!”

 

They both turned around to see a short, pasty female, with long black hair, wearing casual, dark, slightly gothic clothing and make up. She looked as if she was PDS, and obviously knew Kieren.

 

“You know this girl?” Asked Simon, releasing his arms from Kieren and moving slightly away from him.

At first Kieren didn't recognise her. He studied her face for a while, almost in a gaze. She stood there smiling, realising he was analysing her.

“Kier, it's me, the girl who used to ruin your day” she said jokingly, giving him hints to recognise her without giving it away.

“Plenty of people ruined my day...” He replied.

“Ok, what about this...”

She placed her stone cold, lipstick covered lips onto his. Kieren was shocked and pushed her away. Why did some random PDS sufferer think he'd know them from a kiss?

“Why did you fucking kiss me!? Tell me!”

“You'd remember me easier that way” she said, grinning cheekily and glancing at a pissed off Simon.

Simon walked up to her and glared at her the same way he did to Gary in the Legion. She didn't seem intimidated by the ex-disciples piercing stare, and began to laugh.

“Who the fuck are you?” Simon ordered, not wanting to stand there playing guessing games.

“Could say the same!”

Kieren remembered something, he knew the girl's name.

“Charlene?” He exclaimed, putting on a huge smile.

“Yes! Kier, I knew you'd remember!” Charlene replied, jumping up and down.

 

Kieren actually looked _happy_ , well since visiting Amy. One of his best friends, who somehow also died and rose that night of the rising, was standing in front of him. He thought he lost everyone he actually cared about in his first life. Dead or alive. 

Simon on the other hand looked gloomy and very pissed off. This Charlene girl had just appeared from nowhere, ruined the intimate moment he and Kieren were having and then stole the kiss from his lips in order to remind Kieren the girl he once knew.

 

“Why don't we get out this damn graveyard and catch up?!” She asked pulling a smiling Kieren away from Amy's grave. Simon just followed on, he realised this girl meant something to the man he cared deeply about, so he didn't even bother saying anything about the kiss.

 

They began walking past the old Macy household, and Kieren's _happiness_ started to drain slightly.

“Ah the Macy's, can't believe it's empty. Poor Rick, that must have really hurt you Kier?” Charlene said, looking at Kieren's sad facial expression. He just looked at the floor trying not to respond. He was over Rick, but not 100%, also Charlene knew about him and Rick, she just didn't realise it was hurting him.

“Of course it did, you loved him. I can remember that day you told me how much you adored him, whist you were drunk as fuck, may I add,” she laughed, “That alcohol must have been from Rick, I swear!”

“Alright Charlene... Enough.” Spoke up Simon, who was comforting Kieren.

“Ok, Ok! I just wanted to reminisce the past, but it seems no one is into that anymore...”

Kieren's head rose. He was wearing a smile which made Simon and Charlene wonder what he was thinking of.

 

“Ah, this was the first place we ever hung out, remember Kier?” She was talking about Legion, although they where only young teens they used hang around the front, while Rick used to beg his dad for pints, which his drunken father would happily give to him.

He smiled. He loved the fact she never forget certain things, which he tried to forget. Charlene seemed stuck in the past. She loved it there. It was great, well for her until events in 2009 happened and it was all gone.

“May I ask, what was so good about your first life then?” Simon seemed intrigued at Charlene's love for the past.

“Kieren.”

“Kieren? Your friendship was the best part?”

“Yes.”

“And what happened after Kieren...”

“Simon... Can we go home? I'm a bit tired?” Kieren intervened.

“Sure we can, just let Charlene answer my question first ok?”

“Simon, I really want to go now...” Kieren was trying to avoid the mention of his death. He had had enough hearing the past for one day, but Simon was really not listening to him.

“Simon, bring Kieren back home, he sounds shattered.” Charlene caught on to Kieren's pleads and also didn't want to admit how she died.

“Ok then, the bungalow or your parents?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

The Walker house was just as usual. It was dinner time and Steve, Sue and Jem were eating a roast lamb dinner.

“This lamb is so tender Sue, where did you get it from?” Steve asked.

“That new butchers, you know the one that Mr Parks owns?” She replied.

“Oh yeah! Hope he gave you a discount love?”

 

Kieren knocked on the door, he hadn't been home in days.

“I'll just go get the door, might be Kieren.” Sue says quickly getting to the door.

There stood Kieren, Simon and Charlene, patiently waiting for the door to open.

“Kier love, you're missing dinner, and who is that behind Simon?” She said trying to figure the pale face out.

“You alright mum? Am I? And it's Charlene, you remember her right?”

All three walked into the house and towards the dining table. Jem turned around to see a familiar female face.

“Charlene...Jones? I... erm thought... you, you know?” Jem stuttered.

“Well now I'm all PDS like these two dorks!” She said bashing Kieren on the shoulder.

“Couldn't have guessed with all that emo make up!” Jem joked.

“Emo? Jem... No...” Charlene said, rubbing her arms.

Kieren stared at Simon who was studying Charlene's body language. It was as if Simon could read her perfectly, a lot more than anyone else.

Jem got up from the table and grabbed Charlene's cold hand and dragged her upstairs. This made Simon a bit more pissed off as he really was intrigued at this new face he only just had seen today.

“So Simon, how's Kieren been for you?” Asked Steve trying to make conversation.

“He's been great, knows how to look after himself...” Simon smiled.

“If he ever gives you trouble just bring him here.” Steve joked.

Simon smirked and looked at Kieren who was still glaring at him.

“So anyway Charlene, Kieren love, how come you just met her today?” Sue asked, snapping him out of his gaze.

“Erm, I don't know, she appeared from nowhere mum.”

“Ah alright Kier, you know that her parents moved from Roarton right?”

“No, but that would explain why I haven't seen the Jones' since I've been back.”

Simon intervened, “So why did her parents move, Sue?”

“I can't really remember Simon... Probably something to do with her death I suppose?”

Simon was just itching to know anything about Charlene. How did she die, why did she die, what past do her and Kieren have? These questions kept running through his medicated mind, he needed to know.

 

Later on Kieren and Simon went upstairs into Kieren's room. It was cold and dark although they couldn't feel it. Kieren had started a painting of Amy and it was resting on an easel.

Simon sat on the edge of the bed, winding his fingers around. He seemed very anxious.

“Simon what the hell is wrong with you?” Asked a concerned Kieren.

“Nothing...”

“Don't lie to me, the way you stare at Charlene like she's something, what’s with that? Is she someone the undead prophet wants?”

“No, she's not... Kieren?”

“Yes?”

“What past do you have with her?”

Kieren sly eyed him and looked away.

“Why do you want to know? She's just an old friend...”

“How come she kissed you to help remind you of her? Why did she keep talking about Rick and you when you were younger? How come she died Kieren, she seemed _happy_ in her first life?”

Kieren became quite and looked to the floor. He knew why she kissed him, and why she enjoyed talking about the past with him, Rick and herself, but didn't know why _she_ died.

After a few minutes of silence, he answered him back. “Go ask her, she's in the next room...”

“So you don't know anything?”

“Stop asking me questions Simon, that I don't want to answer.”

“Fine... _fine_...” Simon said disappointed, and leaned into kiss Kieren.

After a short make out session, the room turned back to being cold. The quietness of room made Simon insane. It was back to being lifeless, and unwilling like Kieren's replies.

“Are you sure you still want to stay here tonight?” Asked Simon, trying to break the tension.

“Yeah, I just need to be alone I guess, too much stuff has happened in one day.”

Simon leaned in for another kiss and then got up from the bed.

“I'll see you tomorrow then?”

Kieren nodded and smiled at his very anxious boyfriend, who was still manipulating his hands. Simon exited the room, shutting the door behind him. All he could hear was Jem and Charlene laughing at something.

 

A while later Charlene also went home, she lived in a small empty flat which was abandoned in the rising. But before she got there, a very mysterious Simon approached her.

“Woah Kieren's little boyfriend, why you stalking me?” Shrieked Charlene.

“If anyone is going to give me answers, you are.”

“Huh? What is it you're asking Simon?”

“Ok, first what was up with kissing Kieren in the graveyard this morning?”

“Are you really asking this?” Charlene backed away from him. “Alright... Seeing as you will probably never leave me alone... I kissed him because Kieren and I were... close, very close, and we had shared a few kisses in our first life.”

“That doesn't really answer my question... But what about everything with Rick Macy?”

“Ha, you're full of stuff aren't you? We were all good friends, well when Rick wasn't embarrassed about us in school, but I just wanted to talk about the past, is it such a crime?”

Simon grabbed her arm, “Yes, you know how Kieren died right? You must do!”

Charlene smiled, “Do you? Haha of course I do. Me and Jem are like sisters, she told me the same night she found out, anyway what's your problem?”

Simon moved closer to her face to try and intimidate her, he hadn't felt this much power in ages.

“You can't just laugh about it and talk about the past around him, it hurts you know, and he's starting to get over it. Charlene, one last question. How did you die?”

She backed away again, and turned around. She hadn't told anyone why she had passed way. The reason was in Roarton, had stared her in the face and given her more life than before.

“Your boyfriend, Simon.”

“Kieren? Why would he kill you? He wasn't even alive! You can't blame him you know!” He exclaimed. He seemed angry, even before she had told him any details.

“I can! Rick was dead in Afghanistan, he died because of Rick and I died because of him. I couldn't take it that my best friends were gone. I understood Rick's death, but not Kieren's. He was with me earlier that day, giving me false smiles and forced laughs, I knew he was depressed. And when I got that call from Jem about him, I didn't want to live any more. Me and Kieren had something, before Rick, but when I realised Kier and Rick were something, more than me and Kier, I let go and accepted it, because Kieren's _happiness_ was my _happiness_. But anyway... When I got the news, I ran upstairs and topped myself. I didn't want physical evidence so I let my insides die, the same way I felt... Simon...”

Simon looked at her, he never knew how much Kieren meant to her. If she could cry she would have done, but her voice sounded pained and raw, not _happy_ and excited like before. He thought to himself about how much they had in common, they both died from drugs and loved Kieren.

“You _happy_ now?” She said with a hint of spite.

“I knew there was something about you...”

“Yeah well let me go, I need to take my Neurotriptyline soon...”

Charlene ran away to her flat, trying to shake away the feelings Simon provoked onto her. While he walked slowly back to the bungalow, smiling at what she told him. He finally wasn't so anxious.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Kieren? Kieren!” Shouted Jem.

He stirred and turned over so he wouldn't have to respond to her.

“Get up! I need to talk to you...”

Kieren moved back to where he was. He thought giving in was better than ignoring her, she'd go away sooner.

“Jem, what is it?” He groned, rubbing his milky eyes.

“Charlene told me about some thing’s last night...”

“Really? Like what?”

“You, you and oh you!” She laughed.

Kieren pushed himself up on the bed to listen to her.

“She said you had something, like with Rick but less intense... Gee, I thought you were full on gay Kier!” She half joked.

“Erm, yeah, nothing of what you're thinking Jem, we were practically kids! Anyway why she tell you that?”

“Because well, I don't think I should say, but on a positive note, Kier _you_ kissed a girl!”

“Oh ok...So? And how is that a positive thing? Well done on kissing Gary, Jem... Obviously I’m joking...”

“Its a positive because if you kissed any girl, I'm glad it was her, and Gary? What the? Kieren!” She laughed hitting him with a pillow.

 

Simon woke up missing Kieren. He had for the past week had him to himself. He loved it when he was around, he made him feel amazing, alive and as if his second life was worth living. He slowly got out of bed and got dressed, with the thought of Charlene's words and Kieren as a whole on his mind. He walked past Amy's room, still untouched, but with the sense she was still using it. He closed the door so the feeling could stay intact. He then grabbed his coat and headed for Kieren's house.

 

The Walkers were having breakfast, and Kieran was just sat there thinking of what Charlene said to Jem last night. Did she tell her everything about them? Or did she mention more Rick and him? And what the hell did she say about their relationship to Jem for her to avoid telling him? Too many questions he wanted the answers to, like Simon did last night, although unbeknown to Kieren, Simon got his.

 

“Kier go get the door, not like you're in the middle of eating?” Joked Jem.

He got up to open it, and saw a smiling Simon.

“Hey Simon, come in.”

He walked in to see the Walkers enjoying their breakfast.

“Simon, nice to see you.” Said Sue, smiling at him.

“Thanks, same to you Sue.”

“You had breakfast Simon?” Asked an oblivious Steve.

“I'm not really hungry thanks Steve... Kieren can I have a word with you?”

Kieren nodded and escorted him upstairs away from his family.

Kieren held Simon’s hands as if to comfort him, although Simon wasn't upset.

“Did you and Charlene date each other?”

Kieren let go of Simons hands and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, kind of... Nothing serious like us or anything, why?”

“Just wondering...”

“Tell me Simon, because Jem told me this morning Charlene told her we both had something. I can't be bothered being lied to anymore.”

“Kieren, I was just asking. You seemed a little close and she kissed you to make you remember so I thought you two had something...”

“Well you're right, you guessed right. Yes I've had more than one relationship and it happened to be with her, why is everyone so bothered?”

“I'm only bothered if you weren't _happy_  then Kieren, but it seems you were ok.”

“Yeah I was _happy_ , anyway lets just leave this and leave this house...”

Simon agreed and hugged him. Kieren was still puzzled to why Jem and now Simon were talking about him and Charlene. She must of told Simon something as well he thought, but even then he still wanted to know the truth, the in-depth truth. Kieren remembered when he had first met Charlene, this really pretty girl who wore too much eyeliner and had a really feisty personality although she had a heart of gold to those who she loved, platonically or romantically. Everything was a joke to her and when Kieren told her he liked her, she laughed at him and told him he couldn't ever like a girl like her. She always had liked him though, even he knew that. But their love wasn't like Rick or even Simon, well to Kieren anyway.

 

Once out the Walker's house, Simon decided they should go to the Legion, as much as Kieren didn't really want to, but it was somewhere.

The Legion was actually quite empty, the regulars were there and some PDS sufferers, such as the followers Simon once had. Of course Gary was there with Dean, although Dean still wasn't so keen on Gary after finding out what he did to Kieren.

Gary muttered something under his breath, and Simon was ready to have a go at him, but looked at Kieren's face which screamed 'Don't say anything'.

“What can I get you lads?” Asked Pearl.

“Er just two lemonades Pearl...” Said Kieren

“Coming up, anyway how are things now?” She asked, hinting at Amy's death and Kieren's rabid episode.

“Ok I guess...”

“Ah, as long as you're doing ok that's the main thing, isn't it love?” She said passing the drinks to Kieren.

They both found a table and sat down, just staring at the drinks as it fizzed. They both didn't really know what to speak about in here, as everyone could hear, especially that dick, Gary.

Simon made the first move.

“If you want we can go?”

“No, I'm fine, just thinking about things...”

“Like what?”

Charlene entered the Legion, “Wow it hasn't changed, still boring!” She said to herself, though Gary heard her.

“If it's boring, get out yer rotter!” He shouted.

“Nah, I might stay now, seeing as dickhead Gary has to say something as usual.”

Dean begins to laugh, making Gary mad.

“Oi, you're meant to be me mate! You seeing 'er or what?”

“Wow Gazza, I wouldn't date 'er, and what you say that for mate?” Dean replied.

“I heard yer dating them rotters, thought it was 'er”

“I don't date _PDS suffers_ Gaz, don't know why you'd think that.”

 

“Kieren!”

Charlene hugs him, it was nice to see him after an emotional last night thanks to Simon, who was looking at her as if he wanted her to leave.

“Hey, what you doing here in the Legion?” Kieren asked, surprised.

“Just you know, bored, same reason you're here?”

He laughed and let go the hug. It was nice seeing her here, but he knew she was also barred from her in her first life for the same reason he was: Rick, well his bigoted father...

“Ew, rotters together eh?” Shouted a seemingly jealous Gary.

“You sound jealous? Do want to join?” Teased Charlene.

“Why would I join a bunch of deadheads like you? Yer shouldn't even be allowed in 'ere.”

“Nor should you, dickhead.”

Gary seemed smug. He was enjoying the banter. But at least for once he wasn't targeting Kieren and Simon, he had this familiar face to toy with and he was loving it.

“Anyway, Halloween is not today, dead'en” Gary joked.

“It's everyday for me, don't see anything wrong with it?”

“Stop it please Char?” Begged Kieren who didn't want anything to go out of hand.

“No Kier, I'm having fun!”

Simon grabbed Kierens hand and held it as a way to tell him he could leave if he'd like. He shook his head and stared at Charlene who was having the time of her life, paying back all the things Gary has done to her in the past.

In an act of playfulness, she walked to to Gary and kissed his full blooded lips.

“EWWW GET OFF ME, YOU FUCKING DISCUSTING ROTTER!” He shouted and pushed her away.

“Who's dating PDS sufferers now then Gary?” Joked Dean, laughing at Gary's red face and lipstick stained lips.

“I'll have you done, rotter. Go near me and I'll pull me gun out on yer medicated little head.” He threatened to a laughing Charlene.

“Do it, because that kiss was the _best_ I've had in my second life.” She winked.

Gary walked out, fuming. He never wanted a PDS sufferer to kiss him or even touch him. It was against everything he believed in. He rubbed his lips sore, trying to get the stone cold, lipstick covered kiss off his lips.

“So anyone else want a kiss?” She joked whilst walking up to a pissed off Kieren.

He wasn't _happy_ about her kissing Gary. It made more of a scene he wanted, and even though he despises the guy, he knew Gary would find revenge.

“Charlene... _Thanks for that_...” Kieren whispered with a strong tone of irritation.

“Kieren, are you ok?” Asked Simon, realising the harsh tone he had to Charlene.

“Whatever Simon... Just take me away from here...”

“Sorry, Kier... I just... It doesn't matter...” Charlene's laughter had dropped from her face. She really annoyed Kieren, and it showed. He wasn't calm or trying to brush anything under the carpet, he was genuinely pissed. Kieren got up and so did Simon, leaving the weird atmosphere his old friend had created and leaving her alone there too. If PDS sufferers could cry they both would be doing that right then.

 

Simon took Kieren to Amy's bungalow to cool down. Everytime Simon try to comfort him, Kieren became very stressed, which made Simon believe no matter how much he tried, he'd never make him _happy_.

“Like why would she _kiss_ fucking Gary?! Is she stupid or what?!” Shouted Kieren.

“I don't know... Kieren, please for me, forget about it?”

“And for her to just start on him when she walked in? Ugh!” Kieren said ignoring Simon's wish.

Simon placed his lips to a distressed Kieren's in order to calm him down, but in typical Kieren style, he pushed away in order to rant more about what had happened.

“You're not listening Simon! I thought you out of everyone would listen to me!”

Again Simon tried another method of physical contact, though it made Kieren more angry.

“Simon! Stop trying whatever you're doing to make me stop going on, it's not working...”

“Ok... But Kieren... Please just stop, I was there, I heard and saw everything.”

“Still! I'm not one of you're little followers, though you probably would listen to them more than you are doing to me...” Kieren wasn't giving up. He really wanted someone to listen to him and Simon didn't seem interested. But he should right? He was his boyfriend after all and he was the one who saved his life. He wanted to cry, he wished he could do that right now. But instead he pinned Simon down, kissing his passionately. The kisses released anger. He could be as intense as he'd like when he kissed Simon, because Simon loved it. He often wondered if he liked the intensity because of the past he had, but never cared enough to be honest.

“Simon... Ugh... how can...I be... mad at you...” Kieren said between kisses.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Charlene reached the Walker's house, she wondered if Kieren was in. She didn't know where Simon lived and the Walker's was the best place first anyway, so she thought.

Sue opened the door, to see Charlene's sorry face.

“You alright love?” Sue asked, with a smile on her face.

“Erm, yeah... Is Kier in?”

“Sorry love, he went out with Simon this morning and I haven't seen him since. Have you been to the bungalow?”

Charlene became more alert. Why would Kieren be at a bungalow?

“What _bungalow_?”

“Amy Dyer's, Simon's staying there, I can give you the directions if you'd like?”

“I'd love that Sue...”

 

There was a heavy knock at the door which shook up Kieren who was having a rest on Simon's bed.

Kieren had fallen asleep after giving up on trying to get Simon to listen to his rant after he had kissed him all over and fooled around with him.

“I'll get it, go back to sleep, it's probably someone from the ULA, I mean one of those who used to come here...” Simon said, whilst stroking Kieren's leg. Kieren nodded and hit his head back to the pillow and closed his eyes.

Simon opened the door to see Charlene scuffling her feet and hanging her head down.

“Is Kieren here? Please tell me he is?” She asked, with sorrow in her pin prick eyes.

“He is. Charlene, he's very angry about earlier so how about comeback tomorrow?”

“Please Simon, _please_?”

He studied her again. He noticed her fidgeting and the sad face she had since Kieren and him had left the Legion. She looked sorry, sorry enough for even him to side with her if any argument broke out. He gave her a signal to come in, to which she did and showed her his bedroom were a tired Kieren was curled up.

“Kieren?”

He instantly noticed the voice and pulled himself up. He had the same expression on his pale face as he did earlier, extremely pissed off.

“If you've come to say sorry, I don't accept it.” He spitefully said, folding his arms.

“I don't expect you too, but please Kier hear me out?” Charline pleaded.

“And what, forget the whole Gary shit? I hate the guy, but really why did you fucking kiss him? And say even, it was the best kiss in your second life you'd had?”

“Someone sounds jealous? It was a joke. Gary isn't even attractive Kieren.”

“Why would I be jealous? I have Simon... And anyway Charlene... We're over, you know years ago?”

“Don't you think I know that? In fact I realised it when I rose from the dead Kieren Walker. I don't care about you being with Simon, or anyone for that matter. I just care about you being _happy_. That's why I'm here.”

Kieren looked at her. How could be mean to her. She was there for him in his first life. Her and Rick, although Rick wouldn't always be on his side especially in front of Bill Macy. Yeah once in his life he was in love with her, just not like Rick or even Simon. He never wanted to forget that. In fact it killed him when she said it was the 'best kiss she'd had in the second life' to that dick Gary, but what if he was her best kiss in her first? But why did that matter? He's living the second life now; not the first. He was a different person now, and whatever happened now was important to him. But even so, as much as he tried to move on, he just wished he made her _happy_ in the past and even in the present, the same way she always has. If only he knew what her and Simon talked about last night....

“Really?” Was the only word Kieren could say. His heart was full of anger and pain, but also compassion and care for this Gothic PDS sufferer he'd known most of his life.

“Yes... Do you want to know something Kieren?” She asked, full of confidence.

“Go on, sure you'll tell me, you always do.” Smiled Kieren.

“The reason I, well... you know I...am like this, is because of you.”

“Huh? You're blaming me?!” His face went back to anger and his heart lost of the compassion and care.

“Yes, but listen Kieren, please... Ok? That night your dad found you in that damn cave you and Rick always went to, I found out by Jem. She was sobbing on the phone and I couldn't make out much beside 'Kieren's dead', and I froze. I lost both my best friends. Rick first, then you. How could I live Kieren. You left me, you left everyone, the last time we hung out was that day you went there and did what you did. I knew you weren't _happy_ , you was fake in the way you laughed and smiled, and I did nothing about it. Kieren, I took a lovely concoction of pills for you. The day you weren't _happy_ any more, was the day I died...”

Kieren was speechless. She killed herself for him? No one ever did anything for him! He died because of Rick, because he couldn't live without him, and she did the same but for his _happiness_. He didn't know if to be angry at her or hug her tight. He was clueless of what to do physically or verbally. It hit him hard in the heart although he technically didn't have one.

“Simon, did you know this?” He finally let out.

“I'm sorry Kieren...”

More anger filled his facial expressions. How dare Simon know about this before him! Kieren got out of the bed and stood up with is fists at his side.

“You fucking knew this before me?! That's why you was asking me all them questions and Jem... Jem knew too! Do my parents know as well? Does the whole of fucking Roarton!” Kieren shouted with the same pain in his voice as before.

“Kier, no. Only Jem and Simon know why I did it but I presume everyone knows how I died, my family if you remember always gossiped... Fuck I don't even know where they are or anything...”

Simon moved towards Kieren slowly. He knew he'd explode with emotion soon and wanted to prevent it.

“Charlene, it's not fair. You're what? Stuck all medicated and well this forever. You wanted kids, to be married, Christ, even that little house not far from here. You think you can have that being all PDS? Well I know the children part is out the question, and probably marriage... For me, you ruined _your_ life...”

“What about you? Art college. You remember that? You were out this dead end village. But no, you happened to die _for_ Rick. _For_ him. If he could see you now... Fuck, he'd be so disappointed. Yes we died for someone we _cared_ about, but we have this second chance, and if I’m honest you look like _yours_ is being well spent, Kieren. Simon is perfect for you, weird and mysterious, but perfect. In fact for _you_ , this second life is a blessing. So what if I can't have kids or marry or even get that stupid little house, you're _happy_ Kieren and that's all I care about.”

Simon saw the pain on Kieren's face. He hadn't seen him so upset about someone since Amy's funeral. How come this girl had just found him since the rising?She played a huge part in Kieren's first life. She cared about him, for his _happiness_. She loved him, at least in one part in Kieren's life, and made him _happy_ still when he fell for Rick. She didn't care about him loving someone else just his  happiness. _Happiness_. That's all Kieren needed, wanted and deserved. He felt sorry for her, he truly did, but Kieren was confused, sad and back to his old self thanks to her. He couldn't bear seeing his incredible boyfriend like this. But it was weird seeing Kieren's reaction to someone pulling the plug over because of him. You would have thought he'd be sympathetic, but seemed not, especially when the tables were turned. Simon was realising the way Kieren is feeling is the way Rick would probably had felt and anyone else who had the blame for someone's death. Regardless, Simon just wanted to Kieren to smile. He'd had enough misery in both lives. They all had.

 

“So, we all died of suicide. Two of us died for someone else and one just because life was a game, one wrong move and you're done. Maybe we should all just stop and think about life, the life we have right now, not the past. Yes we all have fond memories but right now they aren't getting anyone anywhere. Lets just live for today, for this second chance we were given and lets all for God's sake keep Kieren Walker _happy_ , cause I'm sure Charlene and I can agree that's the best thing to live for...” Preached Simon, leaving the room quiet and lifeless, the opposite of what Simon wanted.

Kieren grinned. In fact all three of them did. He was surprised Simon said all that, but then again he was a disciple, he couldn't have expected any more from him. Simon was just content knowing there was a huge grin on his undead boyfriend's pretty mouth, one that hopefully stayed there for a long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might continue? Hmm
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this. It took days haha and is the first In The Flesh fic I've wrote.  
> I'm not so sure if I've captured the characters well, but I'm not the best at anything like that nor am I actually good at writing if I'm honest....  
> But if you'd like to know what happened after or even just want more of this, tell me, and I'll write another chapter :D


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